I’m sitting on the third floor of the library in front of a computer, running regressions for my project and I’m stuck. And sad.
I’ve been sad all semester. It’s this perpetual sadness that has refused to go away. I keep thinking to myself: “What if you’re depressed?” But I refuse to call what I’m going through depression because I don’t think it has reached that stage yet. Also, I don’t want people to think I want attention. So when people ask, I just say I’m sad.
I’ve been like this for a couple of reasons: I’ve been terribly homesick; I miss my family, the familiarity of Lagos and I hate this place. School work has also been very very difficult. Lastly, I’ve been worrying about my future and dealing with a lot of self-doubt lately.
I’m still sitting in front of a computer, on the third floor of the library. You can climb to the roof of the library. If I jump off the roof, how long would it take for me to die?